What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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