if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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