Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
