Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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