Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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