I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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