Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
