No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
