I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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