Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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