Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
