am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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