Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
