Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
