I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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