She said her name was "party"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
