I'm jealous of your bromance
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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