remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
