Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
