A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
