I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
