Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
