I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
