my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
