The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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