in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
