Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
