we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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