I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
