so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
