Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
