she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
