Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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