is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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