and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
