Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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