ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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