Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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