I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
