Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
