dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
