I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
