I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
