I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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