we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
