help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So vagazzling was a success
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
