She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
