You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
