I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
