4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
