You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
